Dammit Jim, I’m a technician, not a psychiatrist
October 7th, 2009
Dear client,
You do not need the help of a computer technician; you need the help of a mental health professional. I know one, and I would refer you, but if I did, I don’t think she’d ever speak to me again. So let’s just go through the list of reasons you might want to investigate psychotherapy as an alternative to tech support in resolving your issues.
First, time is linear. If you send an e-mail at 1pm, introducing a new issue to be addressed, the participants on the 11 am call could not have talked about the contents of said e-mail.
Second, we all have periods of high energy and periods of low energy. I understand this. But no one else calls up and asks, “so…um…do you…um…does your product…excuse me, who am I talking to again?” Coffee might help. The few truly laid back clients I have don’t then call the next day to ask, “DoesThisWordOnSQL2005AndWhatExchangeServerDoWeNeedAnd…” Lady, come up for air. Breathing is good.
Third, healthy, normal people sometimes repeat themselves. This conversation however, should never have happened:
“So it’s 1o:00. Can I call you back at 2?”
“Sure. Not a problem.”
“Okay, so can I call you back in about 4 hours?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Whatever you want.”
“So I can call you around 2 then, right?”
“Yep. 2 it is.”
“So I can call you this afternoon, say 2ish?”
This is not highly technical information, and it should not need to be clarified in fifteen separate variants.
Finally, the computer doesn’t explode if you print page numbers in Times New Roman. I don’t know why this is a “major concern” for you, and I don’t think I’m the one you should be explaining it to.
Entry Filed under: Silliness
4 Comments Add your own
1. miriam | October 7th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Thanks for your kind mention. Thank you even more for not mentioning me to her
2. Ivy | October 8th, 2009 at 7:41 am
Yesterday she decided that our project manager broke into her computer to fix the bugs behind her back. Clearly changing the settings had nothing to do with it.
3. miriam | October 8th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Ah, pronoia; the pathological and debilitating belief that people around you are plotting to help you. Heh.
4. Batty | October 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am
It’s tragic when people who need coffee don’t get any and people who need to stay away from the stuff overindulge.
Speaking of conversations that shouldn’t be happening… 11 am extended team meeting, the fun-for-all conference call:
“So, can I bounce the server now?”
(nobody disagrees, several assenting noises)
Sarah bounces the server
Participant: “Hey, I can’t see the home page!”
Sarah: “That’s because I bounced the server.”
Participant: “Oh.”
I have great admiration for Sarah’s self-control.
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